Saw Boss? Who the crap is Saw Boss?
So, I don't necessarily agree with some of the choices on this list of the top 80s villians. In fact, I nominate, nay demand, the top spot to belong to the downed power line that the kids think about jumping their bikes over before they realize that if they know, then that's half the battle right there. That downed power line sure taught me a thing or two about life, love and downed-powerline bicycle jumping. And for that, I thank it.

This is why I am not a vegetarian
Well, aside from the fact that I need to have an RMA (recommended meat allowance) higher than Bruce Valanche at Line Dance party. And since I hate to put links in headers, here is the first reason I was talking about.

Holy Feaking Crap!
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this story? Man goes into Albertson's where he worked and kills two people with a Samurai sword. What the hell?!? Mondays never start out good, but then you see something like this and everything just gets a little more crappy. Dear Lord.

Eat your heart out Rube
Alledgedly there is no trick photography and it took 606 takes... those Europeans get the best damn commercials. Check out the Cog (3rd from the top).

Come over here and smell this..
My roommate met Wolfgang Puck last night, I wish I could have been there. There or someplace where everybody knows my name. Like Norm or this squirrel. Check out the music video download. If you like squirrels and atari-like graphics, you'll love it.
Oh yeah, and word out to all my peeps in the Wis.

Pictures make reading hard.
And for those of us who have trouble deciphering the readable text from the non-readable pictures, there is always the Baltimore City Paper comics wrapup. Check out this excellent summation of the week of April second through eighth.

Who's up for a game?
Hucking around the old kickball the other day, I was reminded of the time I wanted to start up a dodgeball club at Madison, but then got too lazy to actually do it. Well, someone over at Kent state did me one better.

I'm back... but just for a second
Just wanted to point out that there is a new version of the Google Toolbar out right now. Not only does it have page rank functionality, but it interfaces with Blogger so I can update either of my blogs on the go. Or course, that would mean that I would have to actually write something that could be added to the Swap page, but that's for another time.

My eyes hurt
And, for once, it's not because of a 24 hour Golden Girls marathon. I just got back from the eye doctor where, in order to get me fitted for contacts, they pumped my eyes so full of dialating drugs that I look like Bambi right before he is about to get run over by a large pickup. Except with arms instead of fron feet... and less spots. So today is going to be a day of rest.

I promise... I deliver
Because when I garuntee that there will be pictures of kids wearing dirty vulgar homemade buttons, I make sure that said pictures will be posted. With accompanying fake article. Dammit.

Hows your fluid dynamics? And beer appreciation?
Because you are going to need to bone up on it if you really want to understand the wonders of the Guiness bubbles.

Recordings by the people, for the people
I remember times when I used to record stuff on my boom-box, using it's microphone. Sure the sound quality sucked and I didn't really have anything worthwhile to lay down, but it was fun anyways. Well, with the advent of modern technology, people have taken riculous self-serving pagentry to the next level. Behold... mic in track.

A presidential uprising!
Yep, it's Neowhig - the smart party, for smart people... and you. Because remember kids, rap isn't music, soccer is a sissy sport and most independent bookstores suck out the wazoo.

More monkeys = less diamond shaped rocks.
Remember that reference to Marmaduke I sometimes make? Well, this isn't it, but it is just as good, if not better.

Beware the Nunzilla!
Just wanted to give a quick thanks to Rando for providing me with the best in wind-up Nunnery related action figures.

More beats than the fat boys in Disorderlies
But far, far less than heavy D. Check out this human beat box simulator. It gets pretty addicting, laying down the proverbial fat (phat) beats yo. Plus, I like to end sentences in yo.

Quick - get these while they're hot
Or at least still elevated.

Your election-prep clearing house
This is a pretty good multiple editor political blog that puts the dems, reps and crazy-third party information right at your fingertips.

Yay for science!
Remember how I said that this blog had too much crap and not enough science? Well, I am finally taking steps to remedy that problem with this crazy article on "printing" bones for use in major reconstructive surgery. Freaking ridiculous. I remember when I broke my leg as a kid, sledding directly into a stockade fence. I think it just goes to show that the old addage is correct. That addage being "don't aim your sled at big ass fences

I'm declaring myself for eligible
For the Badger State Summer Games. Even though I'm not the best athlete, maybe if I register and enter every single event I will get some kind of award for effort, or participation. Kind of like when you were a kid and everyone one at everything. I think that whole strategy of "everyone winning" has taken the edge of my competetive leanings. I blame everyone but me. You think, if the kayak race doesn't start until three, that I can teach myself to kayak in a couple of hours? I have a helmet, just in case.

I demand more H-dog
I just wanted to hop on my soapbox for a second and demand that the onion allow opinion columnist Herbert "H-dog" Kornfield to write more. You can't continue to keep genius like that bottled up without suffering in the overall quality of the paper. So, "Free the H" I say... "Free the H".

Virtual Simpson's House tour...
Take a look around the Simpson's house. That is all.

Space Runner to the Rescue!
Man, what a sweet game this is. It pretty much involves moving this lo-fi little guy around these rooms dodging crap. And getting crap. And dodging more crap. Good times.

What a freakin' Day
I'm tired, go build yourself some homemade safety signs or something. I recommend "Danger: Veloci-gramptor Present". And then a picture of a Veloci-gramptor.

Urgent! I need your help with my large sums of money!
Yes my friend, my name is Captain Nazbaheff and I have come into the possession of one (1) million dollars that I need to get out of the country. You have been recommended to me in good faith and standing. I hear your name is Porcine Princess?

I'm sorry mama... but I'm cleaning out my lab
Spent the day cleaning out my lab, and now my lab has offically made the list of "rooms cleaner than my own". It's a pretty big list, as I have a tendency to not clean my room for anyone. Not even Gilbert Godfrey. My room looks just like any other room, except it appears as if a smaller version of my room was set in the middle of it and exploded, sending clothes and found objects radially outward, effectively coating everything with a layer of what I like to call "miscellany".

The cool part is every now and then I come across something I don't ever remember actually having in the first place, let alone losing in the black depths of said room. Like taffy and hot wheels. So now I get to roll the proverbial dubs of my pimped out civic across what little space is left on my desk.

More duck related tom-foolery!
Trust the folks over at google answers to get to the proverbial bottom of things regarding all of your duck butt related questions.

Antiques Roadshow... Police Style
So I got to go to my very first ever police auction this past weekend. In retrospect, I probably should have figured that there wouldn't really be any great stuff there, considering that the majority of it came from drug busts and bicycle confiscations that occur every spring. Though, if I was a phish fan, let me tell you, it would be whole different story.

None the less, it was worth the buck fifty admission fee just to hear the auctioneer rattle off random nonsense for a minute straight, only to interject the occasional "five dollah here, five dollah" or "sold, to the old man in the blue hat". At this point I am thinking that it's a damn good thing that I am not wearing my lucky blue hat, or I would now be the proud owner of a five dollar huffy superstar bicycle. With no pedals. Or front tire. That bike must have had some sort of sentimental value, because there were literally hundreds of plausibly workable bikes that didn't need to be carried out room and were going for less money than that. To each his own, I guess.

The Matrix is Real
WOW!
This guy is amazing. You should definatly check out his movies.

Working out for fun and profit...
Hey kids! Quaffing too much of the good stuff? Wishing you didn't have those unsightly love handles? Well, simply follow this handy regimen, and you can lose that belly in no time flat.

The story of a man and his dream.
Fortunately his dream is to be a demolition derby racer. I saw this movie last night. It was hilarious. I recommend checking it out if it ever makes it your way.

Slow news day
Which is why, I guess, that Yahoo has stunning pictures of GW falling off of a Segway. Check it out. On that note, I am off to go biking, and I will hopefully have better luck staying on top of my two-wheeled transporation apparatus than ol' GW.

We demand more science!
I realized today, while looking at a link on Going Canuck, that the title of my project here is "Science... and crap", not "Crap... and science". As such, I think that my crap to science ratio has been way to high as of late and I solemnly swear to add more science to the mix. So excuse me, but I am off to explore nature, or something.

Reveling in the stupidity of it all
This is totally awesome! It's like you're watching one of those forty car pileups during rush-hour traffic. It is a rubbernecker's paradise.

So apparently there is this girl named moxie out there who has her own blog called moxie.nu. In said blog, she accuses another blogger named moxiepop of identity theft. Insults get thrown, other idiots chime in and the whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket. My question is whether stupid people like to congregate together, or whether it's a statistics of large numbers thing, e.g. with enough people on the net you are bound to see a certain amount of idiots.

Lesson to learn from all this: I need to go back and trademark/copyright/'make people sign non-disclosure agreements' for every single word I have ever put on paper. Including, those words uttered in my sleep. This might take awhile, but if it keeps you bastards who have never met me from also using words like "dog" or "the" in your work, it will all be worth it. I'm watching you.

A hack isn't just something you coughed up at Denny's
This is chronological overview of some of the various hacks pulled off by the kind folks at MIT. Of course, these hacks can't even hold a candle to the time we told Hoj that we he was locked in the garbage room, then left to go play video games while he stood in there, too proud to try the door and see if it was unlocked. That was good times...

Oh, so the moral of the story is this; if you want to beat the boss on level four of Kung Fu, it helps to crouch and punch him.

Damned laptop touch pad
I will never, ever learn to properly operate the touch pad on this laptop. I had a big long honking post written about crazy doors that people have found, Alice in Wonderland and cake, but I managed to delete it all with the classic "accidental highlight and space bar combination move". Crappity crap crap... crap. Or, possibly, yarrrrgh. Anyway, here is the picture that started this whole posting adventure. Courtesy of daily ramblings.

If you ever wanted to dress up like a corn dog...
... but just didn't know where to find the perfect costume, your search is offically over. Not only can you dress up like various pork products, but cheese, olives and waffles as well. And they seem to be modeled by a man with a seventies porn mustasche.

Denver the Last Dinosaur
Man, was that a horrible cartoon or what. Since I am only running on about three hours of sleep, I really didn't feel like coming up with anything even remotely witty to say about this giant cartoon haven. But, you can download full episodes of a bunch of them if you want. And you might come across some that you had long forgotten.

Less talk, more rock
Now that I have had this digital camera for awhile, I have started to amass a large quantity of pictures that I want to showoff share with people. Some are ok, most aren't, but over at fotolog, they don't care either way. Just sign in and get to posting your pics. My goal is to post a pic a day, though I don't know how long I will be able to stick to that. Unless I start to post junk, which may have already happened. Oh well. Check it out if you want to at tractorinc's Fotolog.

Tip for getting food into stomach...
...use mouth hole. (courtesy of mr. pants) I am thinking of doing some sort of resturaunt review in this blog. So I will start with Curry in a Hurry - an indian place in University Square. Plus, the entire review will contain words of only four letters or less. Here goes:

"I rave over the food here. Fowl with red zest a top bet. Zest on tee came out in wash. Note: Thank you Tide. Good time had by all. (Take "all" to read "Pat and I")."

Look at me... I'm cleaning out my 'favorites'.
My bookmarks section is getting way overcrowded, so here are a couple of quick links to check out that I haven't had a chance to write something quasi-witty about yet. First, you can see if you have enough chutzpah to be a spy. Then you can continue on the British theme and see what you would look like based on your musical taste. Well, I might as well make this a Brit-pick threesome with some sketches by Heath Robinson. Think Rube Goldberg, but on crack. Enough crack to make these drawings significantly different in style and content.

Long Live stuff I like!
And down with stuff I don't - like hats. Who would have thought that so many people didn't like hats? And that the very same people who so despised those hats support solid companies that make reliable capes and t-shirts with pictures of bread boxes on them. Crazy.

If knowing is half the battle...
...I'll bet looking cool must be the other half. Take a look back on some of the other great tips you learned in your childhood from Joe and the gang. Since they were cooler than your parents or She-ra you actually listened to some of their poignant advice, or at least remembered it while doing it, but looking really cool.

What's up with things on wires?
First there was this crappy bird on a wire game that was so poor I will not even bother to link it, then comes along bug on a wire. A much better game, though still dealing with the same inherent subject. Up next: crazy kid flung from car during horrible accident on a wire. Thinking about it, with all of these video games about wires, it must be tough for today's youth to keep back the urge to run out and lick electrical wires. Fortunately for me, growing up I had GI Joe. And the episode where they taught me not to jump my bike over down power lines (even tough it would look totally cool to the extreme).

Real funny... jerkstore
Not only do astronomers have a since of humor, but apparently they are also asses. Unless, of course, the girl they are picking on is crazy - in which case I say 'Bring on the cattle prod.' or something to that effect.

May the force be with you...
... everyone but you

I like getting gifts...
Which is exactly why I have taken to checking the 'gift wrap' box whenever I order something online. Plus, sometimes they come in really cool gift boxes. And I'm helping the economy by putting all of those kids who need summer jobs to work. Yep, I feel pretty good right now.

Photography is not a crime
I have been really into digital photography as of late, and just photography in general. While scouring the web (read: haphazardly clicking on random sites) recently, I came across a guy who takes excellent synchroballistic photographs. What are those you say? Think of it as a funky time vs space continuim caught on film. With a dose of pizazz. Because without the pizazz, it's just another Thrasher pictorial.

Bob, meet Barbara
This is some sort of crazy mouse analyzing, dating simulator. Well, maybe the phrase 'dating simulator' really only applies to the title. Either way, the background music is techno-riffic.

Ulice Payne...Pro Wrestler or Baseball CEO?
...Milwaukee Brewer CEO and President, whom I met while on my 4 game Brewer California Adventure. (they went 3-1) I offered him a deal on tractor inc. produced brewer capes (that's not a typo for those unfamiliar with tractor's line of merchandise) for the whole team. He gave us his business card..seriously. We got a lot of different items thrown at us during these games. The stupidest of which would have to be grapes at San Diego. I mean who brings grapes to a baseball game? And secondly if you do bring grapes, what kind of damage to you intend to do with them? They don't hurt at all. At least throw peanuts. They're a baseball food, and after you throw it the person you threw it at can still shell it and eat it. Want not, waste not and all that jazz.

Video Store Clerk Extraordinarre
Take a second to peer into the life of Pat Freestone, a video store clerk from Puyallup, Washington (and the best damn dust buster this side of the Mississip).

Finally, a dependable monkey goods supplier
I mean, I have been wanting a quality place where I can go to buy monkey related paraphanelia for years minutes now. It's a small wonder this place isn't world famous yet. Well, that may soon change.

Udder-ly ridiculous
Man this is pun-tacular. Not this flash, but the header for this entry. I kill myself. With craziness.

By the way, I won a poster contest this weekend, which is pretty much just a science fair for quasi-grownups, and I bought a road bike. If anyone is wondering, it is blue. I may just have to change my name to the Blue Flash so I can match my bike. Or the Blue Bomber. Or something dirtier... far, far dirtier.